The unsevered Umbilical Cord

The first thing that a doctor does when a baby is born is to sever the umbilical cord which connects it to its mom for those months it is cocooned in her womb. It feeds it, nourishes it and takes out the depleted blood from it to return with fresh oxygenated blood and literally keeps it alive. Well, the event of birth ends the tenure of this funiculus umbilicalis as it is called in biological terms.

But there is a far stronger invisible umbilical cord which remains between mother and child long after they have been biologically separated. I would like to call it the Mommy Bond! In today’s world of virtual communities and internet forums, communication apps like Whatsapp and Twitter have overshadowed other inter-personal mediums like voice calls and physical meetings. They even come with a whole gamut of explicit emoticons depicting certain emotions which you would have never pasted on your face let alone use in an email or telephone call. In this scenario, it is pretty interesting to note that there exists an acute sense of telepathic perception between a mother and offspring (of any age, mind you!). She can do a David Blaine on you and read your mind as if you have put up a display board on your forehead with all your thoughts and emotions flashing on them. She is the ultimate lie detector and can pick up on even little changes in your moods, which ability would put even trained interrogators to shame! So don’t you dare try and pull a fast one on her.

It is this Mommy bond which makes her the primary “Go-To” person when we need anything to be accomplished from the folks. The mother, more often than not, also acts as the intermediary between the child and the father. You want something from papa, tell mama! She will do the dirty work! I am in no manner demeaning the role the father plays, but let us stick to Mommy in this write-up. Mommy is also the final line of defence. She would put herself between you and a raging bull if it came to that because her love for you is selfless, non-judgemental and beyond measure. She may irritate you to no means whether it be about your messy bedroom, wrong girl friend, open purse or your affinity for perpetual bachelor(spinster)hood. But behind that action is a deep sense of concern and affection, the very essence of the mommy bond. I guess this explains why the word Mother has even become generic with simple everyday exclamations like for example “Mummyyyyy!!”or “Holy Momma” or “Ammaa!”

Well, so next time you find yourself with some free time, go and spend some time with Mommy or pick up the phone and have a chat with her. I bet it will brighten her day as well as yours. Next time she irritates you to no end, hold yourself back from reacting with your own tantrums or feign indifference. You know what is worse? If there is nobody at the other end of the Mommy bond!  

The Ineludible Co-traveller

I bet almost all of the human populace travels at some point or other, unless of course they are already dead. Travel, the quintessential stress reliever, the best wind-down a person can give oneself as one is carried into a different world, away from the rigmarole of one’s mundane life. It is also a doorway to other people, varied cultures, delectable cuisines, interesting flora and fauna, sights and scenes which enrich ones knowledge as well as gives one a sense of fulfillment. In this context I take the liberty to quote Hilaire Belloc, a prolific writer – “We wander for distraction, but we travel for fulfillment.”

In course of such travel, it is but imminent that we meet other people who travel and in many cases embark on the same journey as we do. We call them co-travellers and they come in various shades.

There are the Perfect Ones – These offer you a hello and generally mind their own business. They would however engage in a good conversation if you are willing, without touching on personal aspects of your life.

There are the Encroachers – These will be in your face, enquiring or should I say interrogating you on yourself, your family, work, friends, your birthplace, what you had for breakfast and quite likely the colour of your under-garments too. They will also thwart any plan you devise to escape from the “conversation”, like for example, your sudden urge to go into a slumber.

There are the Coccoons – These will not talk to you, acknowledge you or even offer a hello. God save you if you offer them a hello, which will be immediately met with a curt nod of the head or a blank expression, which says “Do NOT enter my territorial waters”. Their expression would make Professor Hannibal Lecter look like a teddy bear!

There are the Caterers – These are mobile fast food trucks and usually move around with extended families and at the least a ton of food. Half of your refusals will go unheard and the other half you will not be able to mouth because you will have an idli or a dhokla stuffed into your mouth.

There are the Bookworms – These read, read and read as if their life depended on it. They will read on a train, on a flight, on the beach, on a drive, while eating, while drinking and even when on the John. They will read as if the act of putting the book down will be an act of personal slander of the highest order to the poor author and his entire clan.

Then there are the Dozers (my favourites!) – These will conk off the moment their mode of transportation falls into gear. They will sleep in the hotel, on the beach even while forking food into their mouth. They will sleep even if Zeus himself invited the wrath of the Gods on them!

Now if I have missed any category, it is purely unintentional and any such category of co-travellers will be suitably rewarded with a can of beer on my next journey with them!

I conclude by posing a question to you. The question is not which category of co-traveller you travelled with recently. The question is -  Which category of co-traveller are you?

Stop doing a Macaulay and believe in being equal

At the risk of contradicting myself, I would say Equality is a very common word but at the same time very deceptive. It is a word which reserves itself shelf-space in various forums being casual conversations, panel discussions, television debates, Government laws and regulations to name a few. However, the question we need to ask ourselves is why so much discussion on the subject and not so much evidence of it in real life? It is similar to the case where every one of us wants change but not all of us want to change. The simple reason is that not all of us believe in being equal. Considering the immense shades of equality, rather inequality in existence, let us be a bit lazy and take two of the most discussed – gender equality and caste equality.

We hear about the Womens’ Equality Act passed in the US or the Minorities Reservations Act in force in India. We also hear about the numerous walks and demonstrations which are held for the said purpose, well attended by people of distinct ages, caste, creed and gender shouting slogans on climate change, world peace, saving tigers (hello!!! Equality??) and legalization of certain restricted substances then happily returning to their respective abodes if not already intoxicated by those substances. TV anchors hold heated panel “discussions” with “eminent experts” in the field with predictions of apocalypse if the situation does not change. Governments proudly announce that 50% of their cabinets comprise of women/scheduled tribes or minorities and corporate houses do the same about their Boards. Well, I wonder why they don’t make similar announcements for male members or the unreserved class. Because that wouldn’t be news of any kind, would it?

Therefore, first we tell a group of people they are different because they are of a different gender or caste, push them to the floor and then make a few laws and reservations for their upliftment and protection. If only cabinets or Boards had equal representation from women without people making laws and announcements (cause women are as much if not more meticulous and thorough than men except probably when they are called upon to appreciate a bottle of Glenlivet or gloat over a supercharged V6 under the hood of a Jag F-Type!). If only the scheduled castes or tribes were not addressed so anymore, because none of these people come down from the forests in the hills to write their IIT entrance tests or dress in acacia leaves anymore. They are just like anybody else!

Until we realise and believe that distinctions of sex, caste, creed, colour are all superficial and we peel off all those superfluous layers until we reach that experience which in English we call the SOUL, which is all pervading, all encompassing, devoid of any flaw or distinction because it is the ONE, we will be stuck with the Macaulay principle. Well, I almost forgot Mr.Macaulay who sits in the title of this write-up. Lord Thomas Macaulay of the East India Company once gave a brilliant speech in the English parliament about how learned, tolerant and cultured the people of India were and why there needs to be created distinctions and rifts within the people to break their tolerance so as to rule over them. You understand where I am coming from?

I conclude by saying we need to stop thinking mankind and womankind and any-other-kind and believe in humankind, else humans will never surpass dogs as humans’ best friends and some people will always remain more equal than others!

You believe what the writer wants you to believe

When you read a book or an article or a column, have you ever wondered whether the thought processes which form in your brain are what the writer has conjured up? Well let me demonstrate:

Did you realise that most of the movies that made it to the Oscars this year revolve around one word “Expectation”. The expectation of a physicist to develop a theory to solve all problems (Theory of Everything), the expectation of a mathematician to build a machine to solve all mathematical problems (The Imitation Games), the expectation of a soldier to do all within his power to protect his comrades from harm (The American Sniper), the expectation of a once popular movie star to rise to fame through his drama production (Birdman). Aren’t all these movies bound by that single word “Expectation”? Yes?  Well I say No.

All these movies revolve around one word “Addiction”. The irrepressible addiction of a physicist towards his one indisputable theory (Theory of Everything), the uncontainable addiction of a mathematician to build a universal problem solving machine at the cost of resources which could have been put to better use during the World War (The Imitation Games), the unquenchable addiction of a soldier to go back to the battle-field at the cost of losing his family (The American Sniper), the addiction of a once popular megalomaniac movie star to re-establish himself (Birdman). See how a change in word play caused a shift in the undertone from positive to a shade of negative?

That my friends is the beauty of literature or the beauty of the mind or the strength of the pen. Let me illustrate with another example. I am sure the two most popular Mughal emperors that we believe to have existed were Jalaluddin Muhammed and Shahab uddin Muhammed. Surprise? Well you know them as Akbar the Great and Shahjahan the passionate respectively. Well yours truly would be amazed to also learn that the only Mughals who exhibited any sense of humanity and humility and good governance were Babur and Humayun. Everybody from Jahangir to Akbar to Shahjahan to Aurangzeb were shrewd, ruthless, megalomaniacs. Far from the whirlwind romance that we thought existed between Akbar and Jodha bai (Akbar never had a wife by that name...it was some other Bai, read: Rajput princess), the princess hated his guts and would have chewed his bones for dinner if she could. Same goes for Shahjahan who built the impeccably beautiful Taj Mahal for his one love Mumtaz, whom he loved a wee bit more than his other wives and numerous concubines. So much for the titles! Speaking of which, you may wonder what exotic titles Babur and Humayun used...well, the titles were Babur and Humayun, respectively. Now you know you believed what the historians made you believe.

Returning back from the rustic charm of the Mughal era to our drab current discussion on hand, I surmise by saying all movies which made it to the Oscars this time revolve around one word “Hope”...the hope of a physicist that he would create one theory.........................