Most
of us wake up every morning in the hope of experiencing a sense of
accomplishment at the end of the day. Be it personal chores, work, new
beginnings or the like. As we plough on with our lives we try doing things
better, improving ourselves through the course of our experiences and
circumstances. Though the adage ‘I only compete with myself’ is pretty popular,
we are hardwired to observe and assimilate what we see and feel around us. In
this process, we learn from the people around us, as to how they talk, how they
behave and how they respond to situations and incorporating and imbibing the
learning in how we talk, behave or respond. There is the inherent need to
compare and contrast with a person better at doing something than we are and
learning from them to bridge that gap with them. We even benchmark ourselves
against other people and imitate their methods. Humans are experts at flattery
by imitation.
Such
imitation is all good as long as it satiates our intent to become better in
life. However, the problem arises when this imitation metamorphoses into
obsession and we start living the other person’s life. This reminds me of a
couple who are our neighbours back in the town where I was born. Their whole
life revolves around my folks, me and my brother. We renovate our house, they
renovate theirs; we change our car, they do too; my folks have two kids, they do
too; I venture into the field of accountancy and finance, they try and force
the elder of their kids to adopt the same line and when he vehemently refuses,
they force the younger one to go into the field. It is quite evident what is
happening here, isn’t it? We as a family used to get irritated in the
beginning, then the irritation turned to indifference and then to pity. I
sometimes imagine what will happen to those good folks if we are taken out of
the equation of their lives. They would suffocate to death, because there
wouldn’t be anybody to compare with. In short, they wouldn’t have a life.
We
are all born to live the life that we were meant for, not the life somebody
else was meant for. We are all born with distinct personalities, strengths,
weaknesses and aspirations. Speaking of personality, did you know that the root
of the word ‘Persona’ is Latin for mask? It is probably derived from the
Etruscan word ‘Phersu’ again meaning theatrical mask. (Etruria: North-west of
Italy or modern day Tuscany). So next time somebody says that you have an
interesting personality, do think it over before you acknowledge the
‘compliment’! We are all born fully equipped to live our lives and then the
machinery of this world gives us a personality. So when someone tells me they
are attending a Personality Development Seminar I wonder what they actually do.
Do they discuss how to improve their mask, how to change it, reinforce it or
expose it?
We
need to stop assimilating or imitating indiscriminately and start discovering
who we actually are, because the day we discover ourselves and the purpose of
our life, we will be at peace. We will start living our own life.
On
that note let me borrow a quote from the eminent Mark Twain – “The two most
important days in your life are the day you were born...and the day you find
out why”. All of us see the former, many of us, not so much the latter!
